Next time...

Waiter Translations
Welcome to Baker's Square! = Why can't you find your own frickin' chair?
Would you like anything to drink? = If you get water, I'll spit in it.
Do you need another moment? = Can you speed it up?
I suggest the turkey sandwich. = Turkey is the only thing that isn't currently frozen and would be easiest for me to bring out.
Would you like fries, chips, or coleslaw? = We really shouldn't give these people so many decisions on their own.
Do you want a refill? = Sheesh, you drink like a horse.
Do you want dessert? = You certainly don't need it, and I don't want to bring it.
Have a good night. = Glad to be rid of you, hope you tipped well and couldn't tell my true feelings behind my gritted teeth and freakily happy nature.
Haha, I am a waitress or used to be anyways! I actually really enjoy being waited on by friendly, courteous waiters. BUT still you never do know what they are telling their fellow employees about you behind the mysterious counter.