gymette

I happen to conjure up enough willpower to get my body to the gym on occasion. Well, in my case, I head to a wellness center, not a gym. What is the diffence? Well, gym is short for gymnasium which has to do with gymnastics, gymnasts, gymnosperm, and gymnosophists. What's the root word scholars? GYMNO! Gymno means naked. So when your buddy says, "Hey, I am heading to the gym!", he is actually saying, "Hey, I am heading to the naked!". This could cause quite a stir with the Trinity faculty and student body, who eat in the "little naked". I have stopped going to any gyms, as I believe it promotes disturbing behavior.
I hate to admit that the wellness center also has spawned some weird behavior. Don't blame the center though! Blame the patrons. A new form of exercise has become apparent amongst the wellness center patrons. It is called THiNK! It is based on the studies of a Doctor P. Pan. The theory is that if you think exercise thoughts, you will begin to exercise. Now I have nothing against this logic, but these people should know how ridiculous they look! I saw one of the followers with her eyes shut tight and thinking hard. She was laying on a floor mat (Now seriously, what is the purpose of a floor mat? The mat is just as hard as the floor and way more full of previous user's stink.) ANYWAYS, she was laying on the floor mat and all of the sudden, her legs, head, and arms began moving in the air as if she were riding a bike on her back down a mountain and around a curve at a good clip. I blinked, twice, and then pondered my life.
Wellness centers, although not naked, are still pretty depressing places. Everyone is running or cycling or ellipticalling or THiNKing towards the one and only TV. It is like a bunch of soggy, red-faced people trying to catch a TV and never quite making it. Everyone has this serious look on their faces, saying "Yeah, I chase TVs, wanna make something of it? Don't smile at me, I have muscles bigger than your head!" Then the occasional sweet exerciser flashes a grin. You recoil: "What?! No smiling in here! We have to focus on that darned TV. I hope no one saw that for your sake." Then (for their own sake) you spray some of that mysterious sweat-drip cleaner right into their sweet smile. Ugh, maybe we should all join the gym.